Amazing what a video, a song, and the full moon can help you see…I see myself and my “lil me” in this video. It made me cry tears of release as I watched and heard the words that my soul has been crying out for all these years.
The past 24 hours have been very eye opening, yet not surprising. I knew I would be leaving. I knew the time would come…but I was surprised to see it shown to me this way. You get what you need not what you want.
I am not expecting miracles…actually not expecting much. Lol. I have learned that expectations lead to disappointments. I have felt many disappointments by having expectaions in too many people and things. Instead , I am following the bread crumbs, living in the moment, listening to my inner guidance system, and feeling my way through.
Adventures come and adventure go. Where we end up no one knows. I do know it is time to go…and I know wherever I go, there will be like minded people to love me and accept me as I am. There will always be a circus act too..this is not my first rodeo. People are people know matter where you go. Life is life. Ego is ego. Lol.
This time there will be sunshine, mountains, palm trees, greater wisdom that comes with age and experiences, and let’s not forget the ocean…that will help a little. 😉
The universe has showed me what is left here though…..it feels like I just came out of my safety bunker, looked around at the truth of the last 5 years, let alone all the years that led up to the war and what I see is different than what I thought was going on out there. I knew there was a war, I knew things would be different, I knew I had everything I needed in my bunker to survive until it was safe to come out, but I did not expect to see what I saw just now. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING is torn apart…and I have no feeling one way or the other, it just is what is and I accept that finally…I have had a lot of time to think. Lol lol
There is not much standing anymore, the city has fallen, and the city that was once so pretty on the outside is now vacated, war torn, and empty. Supplies are hard to find and people have now turned into survivalist rather than people who are living. Reminds me of the Matrix. No one is what they were before the war and there is nothing left as a reminder of what was.
I realize It would not have gotten that way if it were strong and beautiful on the inside in the first place. It was not!! It was a loosley run city, built out of cards, destined to fall, and to be rebuilt the right way. I’m ok with that now. I see so much more than I did before the war. The bunker, although very unpleasant, taught me a lot! I will always remember my bunker and be grateful for its safety and protection.
I’m actually happy because I know someday this city will be built the right way….with a lot of tears, sweat, and love it will stand again. I also realize I can not build it alone. It needs other people to step in and help rebuild it. Maybe they are still in their bunkers and it simply is not time for them to come out??? Either way, I dont for see them helping anytime soon and I simply can not do it alone. See, I told you wisdom came from the bunker!
Now that I can see what I could not see before…I have had to decide on whether I can thrive here or see if I can thrive in a place more suited for my humanity…thank goodness for my higher self and my peeps for we have decided it is time to go…I am just the last to know….isn’t that always the way!
I can pack up what little I have left, find a new city, a new place to live, a new support system, and thrive in all that I discover…or I could stay here, know what it is I have to deal with…and that is merely get through each day to survive to the next. I can become a zoned out zombie survivalist. My spirit says NO WAY! Lol The risk and the choice seems obvious.
The universe has been showing me this through the actions of others and the resistance that I have felt with many things for some time now. It’s been hard to see the truth. It’s hard been accepting what is and not favoring what I wished it was. It’s been discouraging. Its been de-pressing and not so easy in the bunker. I knew I had what I needed for as long as it took. It’s funny how a bunker can feel so safe at first, but after a long period of time, there is no fresh air and nothing new to look at. Even coming out of the bunker to the devastation of what now is, is new and fresh, and awe inspiring. It is freeing…even in the aftermath. I guess perspective is everything.
Although never easy, all things must start anew. It is a time for rebirth…a time to start over…a time to move on and let the war torn city go. This is a new chapter. Maybe in time that old city will begin to rebuild, but I do not have time to wait. The world, time, and life waits for no one. 😉