Part of my job is that I’m a  medium!  As a medium (the simple explanation: someone who connects living people with people and animals who are no longer with us here in the psychical).  I am asked the same questions over and over again.  Hey, I get it!  I ask the same questions too when my loved ones die.  I want to know also they’re OK even though I know they already are.  It’s a part of our humanness to reach out and understand something that is so unexplained and non tangible such as death.  More important than that though, we want to feel any connection we can to them when they are no longer here with us in the physical.  By asking the following questions it helps us to stay connected to them.  I said, “us stay connected to them”….not them stay connected to us.  They are ALWAYS with us and a part of us as you will see.  Nothing really dies!

There’s so much information our there about spirits, dying, and what it’s like.  A lot of it find to be very misleading and it is feeding that earthly part of us we need fed.  I could go on and on, but that is not the intention of this blog!

This is how I see it and how I have been taught by your loved ones!

Some of the most popular questions I get asked:

1. Are they still with me?

Yes, they can not be separate from you. We are all connected and a part of the same thing.

2. Do they know what I am doing?

When we cross over and leave the physical body, there are no limits.  Stop thinking of only here and there; and start thinking of the “everywhere”.  It’s like knowing everything, all the time, everywhere, at the same time.  As humans we can only consciously operate one thought at a time in a very linear way.  We are very much like a computer.  When we are not in the physical body anymore, using a physical brain, it is endless as to what we know, feel, and can do. Once the physical limitations are gone, there are no boundaries.

3. Do they know I love them?

Love is the root of what we are.  I’m not even sure the word “love” is the right word, but it’s the only one we have that comers close. Just because there’s no physical body, doesn’t mean the emotion and the foundation of who we are (not were) is gone. It’s not that they know you love them (knowing is coming from the mental human brain) it’s only what there is.  As humans, we need to know and believe in something.

4. Is there anyone around me?

Everyone is around you, all the time, everywhere.  I don’t say that to freak you out by the way. There’s no here and there; there’s only everywhere. The only separation is the separation that the human mind creates by having physical boundaries (the body).  To ask if anyone is around you implies that they are not around you.  It’s the same as asking is their air around you? Whether here or “there” there really is only everywhere…so yes, you are around them too!

5. Does anyone want to talk to me?

It’s not a matter of do they want to talk to you; it’s do you wan to listen to them!  They’re always “communicating” with us.  “Talking to” is a very earthly and human way we communicate.  Animals do not talk all the time, they communicate.  Communication is not just about talking, it’s about listening.  The question becomes are you listening to them?  They are always there…it’s for you too tune into them.

 6. How do I feel them?

You feel them by paying attention to what is going on around you.  What do you sense, feel, hear, smell, know, taste, see, etc…  Close your eyes breathe deep and allow yourself to feel what they felt like. If you don’t remember it’s the separation you are feeling and tuning into not the essence of who they are.  I teach people everyday to change their radio station. We are so used to be on the same station, listening to the same music, for so long, that we are programmed to only hear on a surface level.  We become so accustomed to hearing the same noise, ALL the time, we don’t even acknowledge that there might be other stations on the dial.  Change the station. Switch over to a new station and plug into that.  How? By making a conscious decision to TUNE in and listen to something new.  Be open to receive things in a different way by allowing yourself to feel in ways you never felt.  Really focus on a different and new way of “listening”.

7. Are they mad at me?

NO!!!!!!  Being mad at someone is part of the human experience.  They might come through and validate they are mad about this or mad about that, but it is just that…a validation so that you know, they know,  what is going on. It is also how they would have responded when here in the physical, but not how they are now.  When we return back to our natural state of energy and LOVE we do not take with us judgment, anger jealousy, fear, hate, resentment, etc.  Those are earthly human things.  Sure, their personality will come through validating it’s them, but there is where it stops.

8. What do they think about _________?

They don’t think…thinking is human and rational.  It’s what we do as humans not as people who crossed over.  Opinions are for the living. As much as you would like them to give you advice and help you out the way they once did, they won’t.  What they will do is send you love and the belief that anything you choose is OK with them!  Even the most opinionated person on earth at the time leaves it here because that was part of the personality not he true essence of the spirit and their soul.

 9. What are they doing over there?

That is an earthly question again.  We need to project our earthly lives onto them as if there is something to always be doing.  If they come through saying they are playing golf…it’s not because they are…it’s because either they loved it while they were here or never played a lick and always wanted too and they are showing you they “are” now and can.  It’s a validation and metaphor….there are no golf courses in “heaven”!  🙂

10. Are _____ and ____ together on the other side?

If you take root beer, sprite, coke, water and lemonade and pour them all out together onto the table and try to them separate them, you can not. Why?  Because they all become a part of each other when poured out in the same space.  Remember, there is no separation on the other side, only oneness. When we leave the physical body we are returning back to all that is everything. As much as we all want to here that Mom, Dad and Jenny are together, it’s not true like you want it to be.  It’s true in ways that you can not ever truly imagine and much more intense and beautiful than you will ever know in the physical!  So to answer your question, oh yea! They are together all right…blended together into a big, giant, energy ball of love and unity with thousands of others you know and don’t know you know. Might now know and you will be there too one day!

11. Do they see my kids?

Well, they don’t have eyes…but yes they are all knowing and are a part of everything…as you have learned, there’s no here and there, there’s only everywhere…and no they do not watch you have sex!  Yes, I have been asked that before many times too.

12. My siblings and I are fighting over their will, what do they want us to do?

They don’t care! No one cares about what you do or don’t do because they realize that you’re fighting is about far more than what you’re are fighting about and part of what you have to work out. Any advice from them? Sure, what you’re fighting about does not, and will not, matter so you might as well stop now…if you don’t stop, we sure hope you work it out!  Opinions come from the human expereince not spirit.

13. What do they look like?

When we die we don’t have bodies. If they want to show themselves in a way you will recognize them they will show themselves (kind of like pictures) in a way you would have recognized them. Sometimes they even show themselves in a way that they most liked themselves like when they were younger and more healthy.  Sometimes they show themselves in a way you won’t recognize at all because they are hoping that you will understand that when they were here, their human body was only a part of who they were, not of all who they were.  So every one is different and no two are the same.  I have seen it all, no pun intended. I always ask that they show themselves first in a way you will understand first; and then they can show themselves in a different way if they choose.

You see, they always want you to “get them” at such a deep level.  I’m pretty sure they forget immediately what it’s like to be human because the level of depth they are trying to get us to be at is not going to happen for most, especially when as humans we want, what we want, and we want them to be the way we want them to be, not the way they want to be.  Sad really…we are always trying to make people the way that what works for us; not what way works best for them…even after they die.

14. Are they happy and did they find peace?

Happiness and peace are again earthly conditions.  When we die there is only everything and nothing at all. Some peace and happiness as this is the very tip of the iceberg for what we feel and become.

15. Is there a heaven and hell?

NOPE! Not that I have seen in the thousands and thousands of messages I have received…Suicide, drugs, abuse, murder….we always have to put things in its right place as humans.  We think we have all the answers for the way things should be and actually are.  I think for many they will be pleasantly surprised that the only judgment and persecution comes from our fellow humans, not from spirit.

16. Where are they?

They are everywhere, in everything, always.  You can not be separate form that in which you come from.  Where are you?  Where am I?  Where is everything?  We are all here cohabiting and existing in different forms, in different places all in the same space!

17. Why are they not leaving me signs?

They do!  They just sometimes are not in ways that are so obvious or in the way you think they should be.  Stop looking through the pin hole of like and start look outside of what makes sense to you.   Signs come in a million different forms…it is up to you to be open to receive them in what EVER form they come.

18. Will I ever be happy again?

There is no answer for that.  Happiness is not something you become, it is a way of being in the world and in the space that you are in right now.  All our loved ones want for us is to stop mind screwing ourselves, become present and be grateful for the life that we have now.  The biggest thing I have learned from those who have crossed over is that 99.9% of the things that make us “unhappy” are the very things that don’t matter at all. They look back on their lives and wonder why they put themselves through all the suffering when in fact life was so very beautiful just the way it was.  I suppose that is something very few of us still living people understand or are capable of getting.  It’s OK, we’ll all look back and say the same thing.  I’m working hard at not saying that though! 🙂

19. Did it hurt when they died?

From what they tell me, no matter how traumatic or peaceful their death…it’s like child birth.  Men you might not get this..women you will!  For traumatic deaths, it’s so intense, all at one time, they leave the physical body and don’t feel it there.  The spiritual, mental and emotional part of them does not feel the pain, only the physical.  SO when the suffering stops, and the body is no longer in pain, it stops working…the rest of the spiritual, mental and emotional bodies are fine.  It’s like child birth in the fact that it can hurt the psychical body so bad in the moment, but when it’s all over we stop and say, “Well that was not so bad. I can do that again”.  We do over, and over, and over, again.  I believe from what they tell me, the birth is way more painful than the death.  You never see anymore kicking and screaming when they die, no matter how painful the death, a peaceful comes over them….babies on the other hand come in kicking, screaming, crying like they are in the worst pain of all…ever wonder why?  Maybe we need to celebrate death as we do birth, for death is merely a gentle and peaceful rebirth into a new and beautiful form.  Maybe death is birth and birth is death…just sayin’. 😉

20. I miss them so much….do they know that?

They know! They feel what you feel because they are a part of you.  When you’re sad, they’re sad; when you remember in joy, they remember in joy!  Celebrate their life by remembering the good times, the laughter and the joy.  They’ll appreciate it.

21. Are my pets still with me?

They were with you in the physical, they are with you in the non physical just like people.  Animals are our healers and they love us unconditionally, here and there.  There is no separation! Maybe they come back in many different forms…. :)))))

22. Will I be OK?

Yes, you are always ok.

23. Why is life so hard?

It’s not really hard although at times it feels like you can’t take another breath.  They are experiences. From what I have learned, from all the people I talk to on the other side, there is so much beauty in the pain. One day, when we aren’t here any more, we are going to wish we could go back and do it all again. GEEZ! Hard to imagine, huh?

As with anything, when we are too in the middle of something, it’s hard to see the silver lining.  It’s only when we detach and remove ourselves from the perceived chaos, do we truly see the beauty of where are in that moment.  They have taught me that no matter how long you live, it’s never enough time.  It goes by so quickly that before you know it, you did your time and you will long to come back.  Take life for what it is, just life.  It won’t kill you; it will only make you better.  You picked it so enjoy it for this too shall pass.

24. Do people become ghosts?

Ghosts are a funny thing.  Much is made of them and sadly it has become a circus act within itself.  I have NEVER met a loved one who was stuck.  Maybe a part of the personality remains in some extreme cases, but the essence of the soul transforms always.  How can it NOT return back to its natural state…that does not even makes sense!  Maybe we lend in a hand in making people become stuck by believing they are there?  Maybe we keep them stuck for various reasons? Maybe a ghost it not a ghost at all and we have made them into our spooky entertainment. Whatever they case, I’m pretty sure your loved ones are ok; you have nothing to worry about.  Everyone loves a good ghost story; let’s just leave it at that.

Well, I asked why we are stopping at #24 and they said, “who ever said it has to be 20 or 25”?   I suppose they right, again! So you see nothing is what we think it is.  There’s no here and there, there’s only everywhere.  No one wants to hurt you or hurt themselves, we are all just doing the best we can with the tools that we have.  Life is not easy for anyone; and yes the other side seems so beautiful and perfect.   As I have been saying with so many beliefs that we have, perfection in a construct of humanity and does not exist within spirit.  Everything just simply is and the sooner we can accept that, the sooner we can feel the unity, love and inner connections that we all have together.

You are loved, I am loved, We are all loved!